They will bite

Every time I go for a walk with the dog at the reservoir, it’s a trip made in fear.

Will the monkeys be out? Will they leave me alone if I walk past them?

Just a couple of weeks back, I saw a homeowner living right along the border of Upper Pierce Reservoir lecturing two women who were driving in their huge Japanese-made SUV about feeding monkeys.

Us bus-taking folk can celebrate the fact that bigger cars do not reflect bigger brains.

Yes, too many of such drivers come along these parts as if it is some unfenced African Safari and throw out food for monkeys.

Oh what a cute sight, little monkeys coming out to grab food. Just wait till one of them comes and gouges out your kid’s eye thinking it’s some juicy blackberry.

How quickly we have forgotten the young jogger attacked at MacRitchie Reservoir by a monkey some years back.

You can put up all the signs you want, but educating (probably educated) Singaporeans can be difficult since they do not know how to slow down, read signs and avoid big trees. (Hey, let’s cull the monkeys!)

Yesterday, I lost it when I saw this:

Yes, in broad daylight, people throwing down food for the monkeys to run up to them. Indeed there was a family behind where I was standing, sitting there like it was some picnic, with their kid, waiting for the monkeys to come near. They had a plastic bag with them. Probably also filled with food. But I didn’t see them in the act, so I kept quiet.

But to those monkeys up on the slope, I yelled “Stop feeding the monkeys!”

Okay, I shouldn’t have yelled and scowled at them. But this annoyance (now clearly anger) has been building up for the past three years.

Sumo was attracted by those fast moving animals and wanted to chase them. I tightened on his leash. But when the monkeys saw that, they ran forward toward us. (And toward those people feeding them on top of the slope.) So I hissed and showed my gums and teeth and the monkey backed off.

And it’s always the big ones that come after you.

But who knows? That monkey could have retaliated. I’m sure what I did was not particularly intelligent, but it was all I could come up with in the heat of the moment. All I know is how I’ve been reduced to behaving like a monkey.

There were some days, when I’ve seen drive-pass feedings, and I snapped photos of the culprits. I’ve even contemplated starting a website called stopfeedingthedamnmonkeys.com and put up all the photos I’ve taken of people caught in the act.

But my father, rightly said, it’s not the monkey’s fault. Monkeys should not be damned because humans are idiots.

I deleted the photos and left it.

It still pisses me off to see people feed wild monkeys. It’s only those who live near the reservoir that have to put up with this daily who know what a nuisance these monkeys can be.

Sure, I’ve seen the uniformed people come and monitor the situation. But they’re in uniform. The minute people see them, they immediately stop. They know they’ll be caught.

Once the uniforms go, the food comes out again. And so do the monkeys.

These people have learnt nothing. And they’ll come back another day and get away with it again.

Really, policing should be done in plain clothes. This way, the offenders can be talked to personally and educated, their particulars taken down and them given a warning.

Taking down their particulars ensures that they have received their lesson and should now be aware. So the next time they do something like that, they can be fined. This money can then be used for more policing, more education, upkeep of parks and so on.

This morning, I tried to research on techniques to scare away monkeys when they approach you, but I couldn’t find any. I’m probably using incorrect search parameters.

But what I did find was this entry:

Singapore Safari: Who’s the Monkey’s Uncle? where the writer has a photograph of a culprit’s car. Look at the threat by that culprit in the comments below.

I think I will continue my policing. I will take photos of all offenders. I’ll put them up and I’ll send them to the authorities. This is my pledge so I can walk my dog in peace, not in fear. Joggers can jog without wondering if a monkey will jump on them. Monkeys can monkey around in the forest where they should.

And this other website (not about monkeys at all) that is a reminder about how I need to learn to let live and not let anger get the better of me when dealing with stupid people: Monkey Business.

In future, instead of yelling “Stop feeding the monkeys!” I’ll say “Stop feeding the monkeys.”

Who knows? I might even add a “please”.