Know your tools

Today, I received an SMS that made my blood boil:

This writer I hire for my film is not sure of highlighting changes in his drafts. Any key functions tat he can press?

I felt like replying “I forgot”, but I didn’t.

Later on, after giving the answer, I thought I should’ve replied, “you hired the wrong writer”.

But of course, the ship had sailed by then.

I’m all for producers / production houses / directors / etc. etc. hiring new writers for whatever project. But if you put your blind faith and money into one who doesn’t know the rules of the trade, don’t you think your project is doomed to failure?

It’s true, that knowing the tools of the trade doesn’t guarantee any successful television series or movie, but surely knowledge of the tools at least shows:

• You’re a serious writer
• You have some experience writing scripts, professional or otherwise
• You have explored the tools that help you write efficiently
• You bothered

Will a painter wanting to draw a thin line on his canvas ask those around him what size brush he should use? He’ll practice with every brush and know what kind of lines each brush will produce.

And it isn’t even hard! There’s a reason why Final Draft’s tag line is “Just add words”.

You want to write a script in any fashion you fancy, you better be writing, directing and producing the whole project yourself. In other words, go fuck yourself.

For one, I, as a writer, would never reveal I don’t know how to use my software to my producer / director. I would explore the software on my own, use the Internet to find a solution and make it work. Hell, I know a writer who doesn’t know how to add scene numbers to his script. So he does it manually. No one knows. Have some fucking pride.

Finally, why should I, as a writer fighting for my piece of the pie, teach or train any beginner writer about writing for free? This is what screen writing courses are for. You pay bloody ang mos to come and teach, you can pay me too.

And to all writers who send scripts with e-mail introductions in SMS lingo, signing off with “thanx”, incorrectly formatted scripts, dialogue with inverted commas, I have a mouthful of words for you. I’ve had enough! Enough! Fuck you. I’ve never ever ever ever met someone I believe in as little as you. I’m gobsmacked!

Haha. In my dreams. I think it’s time to lay off watching Gordon Ramsay.